Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
