My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
