I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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