I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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