you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
