plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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