Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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