She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
