I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
