He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's no shave November. This is our time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
