I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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