oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
