i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
