I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize