I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
