she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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