Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
