Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize