i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
