Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize