Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Farmville is her only friend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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