I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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