I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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