sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
