If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
