We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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