Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
