is your mom at the bar?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
