we have officially lost it.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
