we're chasing vodka with high fives
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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