Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
