I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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