mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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