highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
