I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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