His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
