Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
