I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
