Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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