This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
