it glows. i had to have it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
