A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
