Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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