Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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