Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
