When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
