addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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