I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
