apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
