I met the friendliest cop last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
