i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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