I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's great music for shaving your balls
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
