he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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