if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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