Sorry, I don't speak sober.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
