tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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