I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i will never coherently bang her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
