..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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