The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
