I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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