Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
