I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
