What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize