Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
