Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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