She even gives head with a lisp.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize